I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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