is your mom at the bar?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
