After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
