she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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