did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
