im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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