Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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