She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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