Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
