I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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