It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
