I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
