Jerry, you need to find god
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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