Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it glows. i had to have it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
