ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
