I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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