after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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