So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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