Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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