I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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