high people should be assigned attendants
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
