Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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