So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
