what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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