My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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