You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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