and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
