When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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