Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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