Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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