Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
