after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
