you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
