The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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