Heybabeimwearingurpanties
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
