So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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