Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
