i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
