I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
