Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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