So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
