the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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