He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You've changed since you got that strap on
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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