Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
