If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
