I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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