Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
