Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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