that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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