His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
